THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHAOS
Scenes from the Grinch cave.
On the eighth day of chaos….
Facebook Post:
T-minus two days until winter break begins! I’ve got some sniffles but I’m not letting that minor nuisance ruin this joyous holiday!
Reality Check:
12:45 a.m.: My head is pounding. It feels like a leaded balloon is sitting on my shoulders. I’m officially sick. I move from our bedroom to the “sick ward” a.k.a. the guest room making a short detour on the way there to flush my sinuses with the previously mentioned sinugator and to down some Extra Strength Tylenol.
1:15 a.m.: I can’t sleep. Well gee, what are the OC Housewives up to while I wait for the Tylenol to work? Let’s find out!
2:00 a.m.: All caught up on their drama. Check that off the list. Back to sleep. I think I will skip working out so I can get a little extra sleep. After all the kids are cozy in their flannel sheets.
5:15 a.m.: After one night, the magic of the sheets has worn off for Chucky. Good thing I only invested in a set from Target for him. He crawls into bed with me only to squirm and talk for the next hour. Sleep? What’s that? The good news is that once we rise for the day, I am so stuffed up that I can no longer smell the rotting gingerbread Who-village on the counter.
9:15 a.m.: Kids are delivered to school. Library is sending me nasty grams to return books that the kids checked out weeks ago. I’ve been taking them for a ride in my car for three days now. Better turn those in.
10:45 a.m.: Working on yet another Christmas project for the kids. It’s in its third iteration and I’m losing steam on the whole the idea. Hobby Lobby was even more void of Christmas spirit and all the supplies I needed yesterday than the wasteland that was the Target holiday aisles a few days ago. Given their religious views at Hobby Lobby, would Jesus approve of them putting all Christmas items on clearance over a week before his birthday? I think not.
11:45 a.m.: Return home after sneezing at every location in Issaquah to enjoy a Costco ramen bowl for lunch. It’s no Jinya but it’ll do. Trying to push the fluids but I’m still recovering from burning my tongue on my hot tea yesterday. Apparently the guarantee to keep your beverage hot in that brand of travel mug is accurate and also slightly hazardous to your health.
1:00 p.m.: Christmas project involving leftover grinch fur from Chucky’s Halloween costume is underway. That stuff is EVERYWHERE and multiplying somehow. Glitter is not the herpes of the craft world after all, it’s Grinch fur. Time to get out the vacuum.
1:30 p.m.: The electrician finally calls!!!! We are on the schedule!!!... for January. Groan.
3:00 p.m.: Four giant boxes arrive in the doorstep. Two identical orders from Nike because the site malfunctioned while I was ordering and they placed two identical orders neither of which could be cancelled because they are the only efficient vendor out there this time of year. Lucky me. The other two boxes are gifts. The one addressed to me is sopping wet inside and outside the box yet the other box for the kids is not. How does that happen FedEx? Are you driving around with my gift on top of the van?
3:30 p.m.: Heading to pick up the kids and I stop by Santa’s workshop to view package that I was tracking. It has been magically assembled by the best neighbor ever and is waiting to meet its Christmas destiny and live its best life in my garage for the next 10 years or until the kids destroy it.
5:00 p.m.: Time to make dinner. The more elaborate meal plan has been abandoned due to illness. Grilled cheese and tomato soup out of the freezer for all! My husband is going to be home late and the kids are busy arguing over which Wii game to play next. Yeah I’m eating alone in silence without those two.
5:45 p.m.: Good thing I ate before the kids. I think I had to get up 7 times to get them various things while they were eating dinner. At least I am closer to my step goal for the day.
6:00 p.m.: It’s pouring rain here. The lights in the house are flickering. Thankfully the generator was serviced two weeks ago. I may not be able to figure out which switch turns on the kitchen lights right now but I don’t mess around with the overall power to the house anymore. Flashback to the power outage of 2011…
6:05 p.m.: Chucky sweetly sets me up in his bed with Kleenex, kids Tylenol, kids nasal spray, vaporub, and several stuffed animals to make me feel better. This lasts about 3 minutes until he needs me to get up to enter the parental pin on the TV. (Photo included of official patient set up including Grinch hooded blanket.)
6:45 p.m.: Larry requests that I smell his armpit. I politely decline. Again, I am glad that I have no sense of smell. #silverlining
8:15 p.m.: Kids are out. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and my sinugator are waiting for me!
Night, night y’all!