THE THIRD DAY OF CHAOS
Heaven in a to-go box.
On the third day of chaos….
Facebook Post:
Kicking off my husband’s birthday week extravaganza with morning bagels and a nice dinner out! Tom Douglas’ Cuoco here we come!
Reality Check:
What time is it? 4:00a.m.? Oh good, one more hour of sleep. Back to my dream with Brian Austin Green as my handyman. (This is what I get for reading People Magazine before bed but I’ll take it!)
5:10 a.m.: Starting my Dirty 30 workout. Why is this one called that? I still haven’t figured that out after 3 years of utilizing this program but it works. No sign of any kids yet.
5:45 a.m.: Here comes the cool down! What a nice workout. I can’t wait to have a quiet cup of coffee after I... wait? What’s that? Chucky. Bed is wet. Pee sheets before 6:00 a.m. Super. Guess that stretching is going to have to wait because I’m getting in some extra cardio changing those sheets!
6:05 a.m.: Sheets changed. Cool down complete. Chucky is negotiating selecting bagels for every family member. Cue meltdown.
7:04 a.m.: Arrive at Blazing Bagels. Chucky is still negotiating to make bagel choices for everyone. Both kids are running around the store in a frenzy like they are giving away free bagels. Sadly they are not. Please don’t let any hit the floor this time. Please. Chucky stop touching the bagels with your hands. There are plenty of pairs of tongs to use. More shenanigans ensue. We depart with $15 in bagels for 4 people.
9:30 a.m.: Birthday bagels have been consumed. The boys are begging to do Kiwi and Tinker crates. Who needs more coffee? Me please. I don’t know how to do half of what the Tinker Crates require to assemble them. Are these really for ages 8 & up? I disagree.
10:30 a.m.: Start baking cookies for evening event tomorrow. Again, more negotiating by the little one to eat the scorching hot cookies straight out of the oven. I will not let you burn your mouth just so you can get your way Chucky.
11:00 a.m.: Holiday Enthusiast a.k.a. Larry has convinced us to put lights on some of the landscaping outside after I informed him last week that the “Holiday Halo” would not be erected this year due to my lack of energy and enthusiasm. I try to negotiate to take the rotting pumpkins off the porch and have them make their way to the compost bin finally in exchange for putting up lights. Veto from Larry. He promises we can toss them in the compost bin tomorrow. Chucky is up on the ladder playing daredevil. Larry’s tangled in wet extension cords. My husband and I are yelling at both of them. Could today be the day the neighbors call CPS on us?
1:00 p.m.: Tracking important Santa delivery to Santa’s workshop. FedEx doesn’t seem to care and hasn’t updated the tracking since 9:30 a.m. but delivery is expected today at some point.
2:30 p.m.: Chucky flat refuses to wear jeans or pants of any kind to the restaurant for dinner. He continues to whine and complain about it. He heads to consequence land which means no dinner at Cuoco for half of us. My husband took one for the team during Christmas tree shopping and since this dinner is for his birthday, he and Larry will go to dinner as a duo.
4:30 p.m.: Chucky begins his apology tour of the day. We play two games of Sorry… appropriate considering… he loses the second game and I confiscate the game pieces before they become weapons. Pug thanks me for keeping her eyesight today.
5:00 p.m.: Chucky and I have Pad Thai the hot food counter at the Met Market. He also requests potato chips and a vitamin water. Seems counterproductive to me. Must talk to PE teacher about improving the nutrition education in class. Flash back to the lunch lady letting the kids have a free-for-all, dessert buffet last week.
5:45 p.m.: Chucky requests a bubble bath complete with sugar scrub and Epsom salts for his “tired muscles.” This kid.
6:00 p.m.: We watch the Santa Clause 2. I realize why I never watched this movie when it was released.
7:41 p.m.: Chucky passes out. All that whining, complaining and apologizing must have taken it out of him.
7:47 p.m.: Larry and my husband return home after their dinner out and looking at Christmas lights with a gorgeous piece of tiramisu. (THANK YOU HUSBAND OF THE YEAR!) Better not eat it all now or I will never go to sleep. On second thought, one bite won’t hurt. Okay maybe three.
7:48 p.m.: FedEx now says the delivery that was expected today is now pending. Thanks for nothing FedEx.
7:49 p.m.: I’ll have the tiramisu for breakfast. #brilliant