THE FIRST DAY OF CHAOS
The rotting gingerbread Who-Village.
On the first day of chaos….
Facebook Post:
Spending this rainy day at home quietly wrapping gifts for my little angels! Let’s do this!
Reality Post:
5:45 am: Day 4 - the gingerbread Who-Village continues to rot on the kitchen counter. This holiday health hazard is not to be outdone by the Halloween pumpkin and gourd collection that is slowly decomposing on our front porch still. Even though some of them were procured mid-September, Larry refuses to let them find their final resting place in the compost bin. He’s clearly a holiday decoration hoarder. I should really find him a support group to join.
6:15 am: Chucky rises. Demands bagels from the bagel shop that is 7 miles away and not open for 30 minutes. It’s pouring rain and I need a shower. That’s a hard no buddy. Cue tantrum.
7:00 am: Million Dollar Pug why are you scooting your rear end on the carpet? Well at least you are going to the groomer today. She can investigate the cause of the scooting and also have a wrestling match with you to trim your nails. Must remember to give holiday treats to the groomer.
10:00 am: Kids are at school. Laundry and dishes are going, a few work emails have been sent. Husband’s birthday project is underway. I am going to get so much done today.
10:30 am: Bagging up homemade fudge for the groomer. Woops that piece of fudge hit the floor. Can’t give her that piece. Better to not waste it though. It’s only 10:30 am. Is that too early to start eating fudge? (Into my mouth it goes).
11:15 am: Million Dollar Pug is ready to be picked up. Don’t forget bag of fudge. Don’t forget bag of fudge.
11:25 am: Forgot fudge while pulling out of the driveway. Pull back into driveway. Grab the fudge from the freezer. Pull out of the driveway again.
11:45 am: Can’t miss fireplace repair appointment at 12pm. It took me 2 months to get it. Arrive home. Hooray, he’s early. He will be done well before I have to pick kids up and I can get really burn through that to do list including finishing all of my wrapping!
1:45 pm: Well that’s 2 hours of my life that I am not getting back. I have only wrapped three gifts and sent two emails but I am completely up to date on the repairman’s vacation and holiday plans, career path that led him to servicing fireplaces, his wife’s career and his life story in general. We just met today for the first time.
3:45 pm: Pick up kids. Chucky is standing in the rain in shorts and a t-shirt. No sweatshirt. No jacket. Nose running. I remind him he needs to dress warmer. We have had this conversation every day this week why he needs to wear warmer clothes when it’s 42 degrees and raining outside. The kids tell me they both had 3 desserts each during hot lunch today because the lunch lady is cleaning out the freezer. Thanks for that ma’am. Remind me to give her nothing for Christmas. Anticipating pre-bedtime meltdowns from too much sugar.
5:00 pm: Homework is done. Kids are watching TV. Dinner is cooking. We will make it to bedtime.
5:15 pm: Dinner time. Chucky please keep your hands out of your pants at the dinner table.
6:30 pm: Bath time! We are in the home stretch. No tantrums yet! Wait, why did Larry wear two pairs of shorts to school today? We are not going to ask. At least he’s “dressing in layers” finally.
7:00 pm: Snack time. Do these kids ever stop eating? The answer is no. Never.
7:03 pm: CHUCKY PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR PANTS AT ALL MEALS.
7:30 pm: Chucky throws a fit because my husband is trying to help him read the words he doesn’t know in the book he chose. I blame the lunch lady and her freezer clean out project.
7:45 pm: Kids are asleep. And scene.