2024: A Year to Remember… or A Year to Forget?

In loving memory of my friend and sister in illness, Donna.

Happy (Lunar) New Year! It’s nice to be back after so many months! I had intended to post something at the start of the calendar year but as 2025 began, I ran into some roadblocks (stomach viruses, colds and a snow storm just to name a few) and my plans got delayed. Half way through January, I was complaining about the rough start to the year and my friend Wendy wisely suggested that perhaps I celebrate Lunar New Year instead. So why not pivot and lean into a delayed start? So here I am, just under the wire, at the very end of the Lunar New Year celebration period.

I read somewhere that “the Lunar New Year symbolizes the beginning of a new year and represents the desire for a new life, while ushering in luck and prosperity with family” Given what I went through in 2024, I am more than ready for all of that. Let’s do this shall we?

When I first started working on this entry, I was going to reflect back and recount everything that I had been through in 2024. As the first few weeks of the new year have gone by though, some life changing events have occurred which changed my perspective and my outlook. So I decided that I have given my illness enough air time for now. I am ready to move on whether it is willing to let me or not. 

For those of you that are interested in my current health status, I will provide a quick update. It’s been 9 months since my surgery and 3 months since I finished taking steroids. Do I feel better? Do I look like myself again? Am I in remission? The answer is no, not really and not quite yet. I am still fighting to get back to where I was before Cushing's Disease entered my life. I am far better than I was over the summer, but I am continuing to work through the recovery process which is slow. There are still a lot of issues that are lingering that need to be figured out. I won’t go into the details about my current symptoms because frankly I am sick of talking about and you are probably equally sick of my complaints. Should you want to know more, please feel free to connect with me. I am happy to share the details of my experience - “off-blog”. Especially if sharing prompts someone else to be proactive with their health or avoid the obstacles that I encountered during my delightful journey.. 

It’s hard to believe that the new year is already well underway. In some ways it feels like 2024 flew by and that just days ago I was elated as I launched this blog. In other ways though, the year dragged on and on in the most painful way… literally. I feel like I lost a year. I didn’t accomplish much. I didn’t see very many of my people. I didn’t travel very much. These are all things that usually fill my bucket in between my day to day life of raising kids and managing our household. As I reflected back, I wondered, how was it that 365 days went by and I ended it further behind than when it started? Was the year truly lost or just filled with things unplanned? I decided to go back and take inventory of what I was doing in 2024 to figure out how that much time passed by without what I felt wasn’t much to show for it. 

Every night at the dinner table when I sit down with my family, we each recount our day with our children in terms of losses and wins or as we call them “bricks and swishes.” I thought that might be a good way to reflect back on the year. These are just a few of mine…

First, I launched this blog. Huge swish. I was and still am incredibly proud of it. Every time I open my home page, it brings a smile to my face and it sparks joy. My vision was realized and I put my heart and soul into building it. Sadly, I didn’t post as many entries as I had planned this year but it was not for lack of trying. Honestly, my brain just hasn’t worked the same since my surgery. Although technically I didn’t have brain surgery, it somehow feels like I did and that like my adrenal glands it’s taking a while to wake up and work properly again. It takes me longer to process things and articulate my thoughts. I am trying to get back to where I once was but it’s taking a while. The structure of my blog is in place though which was the true heavy lifting to birth this baby. I hope that 2025 proves to be a much healthier year for me - thus providing me with the ability to share more. 

Second, I realized I attended 70…  that’s right SEVENTY… medical related appointments in 2024. (Yes, I counted). This included doctors appointments, labs, scans, procedures and my surgery. These are just the appointments that I calendared. That doesn’t include the countless phone calls I made or received from my medical team and the time spent messaging doctors as well as researching online. That’s at least 20% of the year! Oy vey! Okay so maybe I wasn’t just sitting around. I feel like there is some badge of honor deserved for that kind of time commitment but it’s still pretty much a brick and certainly a loss of time doing something else more fulfilling.  

In addition to my new part time job of being “a patient,” our overprivileged pug had surgery to improve her airway and then suffered an unrelated major illness which resulted in a second surgery in the new year. I was her primary caretaker during these times. We also put a new roof on the house, installed new gutters, had the exterior of the house painted, and had several other small projects happening. All of which I managed. Swish!

By some miracle, I somehow kept up on what I classify as the “bare minimum” at home. This was a huge swish for me. I never missed paying a bill on time. We all had clean clothes, sheets and towels every week. I menu-planned, we made it to the grocery stores and we continued to cook at home at least 4 nights a week if not more. I tried my best to acknowledge birthdays and other milestones for family and friends. Most importantly, I took a shower…Every. Single. Day. That may not seem like much of an accomplishment, but with as awful as I felt, it was. Some days that was all I accomplished but it meant I was at least doing a little something to remain feeling human. 

There were a lot of other gains and a lot of losses during the past year. I gained two new scars from one wacky diagnostic procedure (that’s a story for another day). I lost some of my peripheral vision that may or may not return. I gained 15 pounds. I lost 15 pounds. I lost nearly all my muscle and physical strength I spent years building. I lost a whole lot of sleep and learned how to manage living with major insomnia for several months. However, the insomnia led me to discover “Book Club” at 2:00 a.m. which afforded me the time to re-read the entire Harry Potter series in the middle of the night. It was fun to revisit the series I fell in love with but had not picked up in 20 years, albeit not a great hour to do it, it was still a source of joy. 

I made lots of plans throughout the year only to have to cancel most of them. I lost out on attending two weddings I really wanted to be at and missed celebrating two big birthdays with my family members. But I spent hours in bed playing cards and having movie marathons with Chucky. I rewatched a few of my favorite movies and tv series’ on my own. I also managed to fulfill all of Larry’s holiday decorating endeavors and even if it was classified as Halloween or Christmas “lite”- the holiday spirit was still alive at our house. I spent time on Pinterest and the internet with my kids planning and dreaming for projects ahead. I made it to the Bay Area to visit my best friend of 38 years and spent a few days in each of my happy places - Disneyland and Seabrook - before my surgery. Finally, we celebrated the Christmas holiday, our 20th wedding anniversary and the end of a very hard health journey with all of our Ohana on Maui. Aloooha! Definite swish.

I took more naps this past year than I have since I was a little kid. Naps. Naps are good. I said no a lot and learned to delegate more. Most importantly, when I was down I asked for help - lots of help - and it was given in multiple ways. Swish. Nothing but net. 

I received so much support, love and thoughtful gestures from my people that I may never be able to finish writing all of the thank you notes. Most importantly, I have gained so much perspective and empathy for others that suffer from chronic, incurable and terminal diseases. Through this, I made new friends and reconnected with a few old ones because of my health situation… I call them my “sisters in illness.” These ladies came to me with both physical and virtual arms and held space for me, my illness and my journey. You can’t put a value on that kind of support. The ultimate swish. 

Somehow despite all that I have been through, the wins, the losses, the bricks, the swishes, the ups, the downs and all of the hard work in between, I am still fighting. I have ended up with the curable disease that just won’t go away. I know deep down there is a reason for it but my foggy brain has not fully grasped all of the lessons yet. I’ll get there someday.

What’s next?

I went back and re-read what I wrote at the beginning of 2024. That seems like a lifetime ago and yet the three words that I chose for the year all came to be tenfold. Pivot. Advocate. Simplify. I did my best and managed to make good on all of them. I take a lot of pride in that. They all came into play at one time or another. In the end I decided, it was an incredible year but it was also an incredibly hard year. So I have decided to close the book on 2024 and move ahead. 

In order to spark some creativity for my 2025 word selection, I attended a virtual “Word of the Year” workshop facilitated by my friend Wendy of the Phineas Wright House and the Say Yes to Yourself Podcast. I was struggling with the word(s) I wanted to choose and I thought this might be a great way to get input from a supportive community. 

During one of the sessions, I told the group that if I was one of my children on the playground at school and was using their terminology to describe what I wanted for the year ahead - that I would be running around shouting “DO OVER!” at the other kids. I truly feel I need a do over for the time that I lost last year however in actuality - I really do not want to do anything over again from 2024. Once was enough. I’m good. 

I started to think about the words related to a do-over - redo, reset and restart. I often ask my children at the end of a tough day or moment to “reset” or start again. Yet, none of those three seemed quite right. The “Re” seemed to be a repeating theme though so I looked up the prefix. I found the following definitions/explanations for Re:

”The prefix "re-" means "again" or "repeat". It can also mean "back" or "backward" to indicate withdrawal or backward motion. For example, "retie" means to tie something again, and "return" means to turn back.”

So maybe I needed to try again, go backward or turn back a bit before I could move forward. I continued to research possible words further under this prefix and found the following meanings:

• Again or anew
  For example, in "recreate", "renovate", "reform", "regenerate", and "retract"

• Back or backward
  For example, in "regenerate", "refurbish", "retype", "retrace", and "revert" 

• An undoing of some previous action
  For example, in "resign", "reveal", "reprove", and "reprobate" 

• Back in a place
  For example, in "reprehend", "retain", "relegate", "refrain", "reserve", "remain", "reside", and "relinquish" 

I definitely wanted to start anew, learn by looking back, undo the damage I endured and like my favorite Disney character Mary Poppins - put everything back in its rightful place. These all had bits and pieces that applied to what I felt but didn’t seem exactly what I was after. After searching out the possibilities, looking up definitions and even polling my kids at the dinner table one night (ten year olds can be surprisingly soulful at times!) - we came up with three words for me to serve as my guide in 2025.

Reconnect. Rebuild. Reimagine.

I carefully selected these three words for myself in 2025. I researched their definitions as it related to my re-entry (there’s another “Re”!) back into the world.

Reconnect

The definition of reconnect is “to connect back together or re-establish a bond of communication or emotion.” I could definitely use more of that in the coming year. The thing I missed the most in 2024 was human connection. This past year reminded me of the early days of Covid when we couldn’t go out or see anyone in person. I had to isolate so much before and after surgery. Before because I didn't want to risk having my surgery cancelled if I contracted an illness and after surgery as I was considered immunocompromised during my course of steroids. Having a chronic or long term illness can be very lonely at times but when you’re not allowed to call in the troops when you really want to connect with people - it makes it that much harder. So for 2025, my goal is to reconnect with my people. Family. Friends. I am here for all of it. So bring it on.

Rebuild

The definition of rebuild is to build something again after it has been damaged or destroyed. This totally applied to my current state. I had also considered “renovate” as an option but the definition was “to restore (something old…) to a good state of repair”... I feel that I have aged enough this past year already. Let’s not overdo it. The symptoms of my disease, the stress that surgery put on my body and the toll that the steroids and their side effects took on me left me in a lesser version of myself. Gayle certainly hasn’t been spotted more than a handful of times. Much like military training where they break you down to build you back up, I feel like Cushing’s has done that to me. It damaged me both physically and mentally. But I am going to army crawl my way through this next phase and I will do whatever it takes to build myself back up. 

Reimagine

The definition of reimagine is to have a new idea about something familiar. to create a new image of (someone or something). This was the word that Chucky came up with at dinner one night when I was talking about picking my words for the year. I mentioned that I needed just one more and that was his first suggestion. It was perfect. While I have lots of ideas and goals for this year, I don’t think I am going to be getting caught up and make all of them happen in just one year. There is only so much time in the day. So to “reimagine” the road ahead seems like it’s a good way to lay the groundwork for what I hope to accomplish in the future now that this is behind me. 

I finally had a plan. I had a start date and it got me thinking about what the Lunar New Year was all about. I, of course, turned to the interwebs for information. NBC News said in an article, “The Year of the Snake has started, and the vibes are all about renewal and regeneration.” As I dug deeper, the article also said, “The snake, which matches up with the years of people born in 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013 and 2025, is most commonly associated with intelligence, resilience and love, Lee said. And people born in those years are thought to do “whatever it takes to accomplish a goal.”” Well look at that, a perfect match and even better I discovered I was born in the year of the snake. It was meant to be! (By the way, I also read the celebrations for the Lunar New Year continue for two weeks after the first day, so this post is making it in just under the wire! #winning)

In Memoriam

As I mentioned earlier, I was lucky enough to really connect with some amazing women this year. One of my sister’s in illness I made this past year was Donna. Donna had been friends with my neighbor, the Wook, for over 30 years. Until last year, I had only known her casually. We would pass each other at the neighbors’ legendary Halloween parties. She was always one of my favorite people to see each year. She would always be in full costume and clearly had the Halloween spirit. I would see her at their house for their annual holiday gift exchange - a tradition that they had upheld for decades. For years as I hung out with my neighbors or saw their posts online and I would hear the stories and see the pictures from all the happy memories their two families made together. Every time we crossed paths, whether at their parties or just randomly in the neighborhood, she always had a smile on her face, was making jokes and laughing with the Wook, and talking proudly about her kids. 

Donna was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about the same time that I found out about my tumor. We started communicating outside just the casual social run in about our illnesses. We rallied for one another. We celebrated our wins, commiserated about our losses and encouraged one another to keep fighting because we were confident that better days were ahead. In my darkest days, she lifted me up even when she was in more pain and fighting even harder. And always, we kept planning to get together and celebrate when we were both recovered. 

Unfortunately, neither one of us recovered as quickly as we expected. We both ran into multiple roadblocks and the weeks passed us by. I attended the annual Halloween party in hopes she would be there, but she wasn’t up for attending it that night. She attended a holiday gathering that we were both invited to, but I didn’t make it. The holidays ramped up, I started to feel a little better but Donna continued to get sicker. Eventually, after exhausting every possibility, enduring multiple treatments, and inquiring about every clinical trial - she ran out of treatment options and was transitioned to hospice at Christmas time. 

Tragically, after celebrating one last Christmas with my neighbors and just 2 days before her 60th birthday in January, Donna lost her battle with cancer. 

The loss of this beautiful soul hit me hard. I could not believe that we weren’t both going to get better so that we could celebrate beating our respective diseases together. One of my guardian angels that had helped me heal was no longer here but moving onto her next life. 

Coincidentally, I realized after Donna’s passing as I was working on this post that she too was born in the year of the snake - 1965.  We truly were sisters on multiple levels. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to get to know her a little better. It has been one of the silver linings for me in all of this. But I truly miss her, her courage and her strength. The world is a little bit less without her. 

Getting to know Donna this past year reminded me of a quote that I have heard many times over the years. 

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
-Brian A. “Drew” Chalker

As I researched to find the author, I discovered that this quote is part of a much longer poem. It’s a guide to the different types of personal relationships we encounter in life. I feel like Donna didn’t just come into my life for one purpose though. She came into my life for both a reason and a season but the impression she left will last a lifetime. She was there to remind me to keep fighting. Leave nothing unsaid. Take all the pictures. Celebrate the holidays if that sparks joy for you. Lean on your people. And above all else, enjoy and be grateful for every single day on this earth. Thank you for those final gifts Donna. 

Final Thoughts

2024 tested my limits in ways I could have never imagined. It pushed me to pivot, advocate and simplify…hard. It forced me to practice new things so that I could heal. One of the new habits I had to incorporate during my healing process was meditation. I started using a new meditation app at the beginning of the year. It has an inspirational quote at the end of each practice. This one was one of the first that popped up. It was not only applicable but gave me hope for the future. 

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.
- C.S. Lewis

So as I decorate for Valentine’s Day - just as I was when I launched this blog last year at this time -  I feel like this is a full circle moment. I am forever changed by this experience. Perhaps that is the lesson for now. 

And so I will sign off for now and look forward to planning for and living my extraordinary destiny. 

“A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime”
by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker

People come into your life for a reason, a
season, or a lifetime. When you figure out
which one it is, you will know what to do
for each person.

When someone is in your
life for a REASON…it is usually to meet
a need you have expressed. 

They have come to assist you through a
difficulty, to provide you with guidance and
support, to aid you physically, emotionally,
or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend,
and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part,
or at an inconvenient time, this person will
say or do something to bring the relationship
to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they
walk away. Sometimes they act up and force
you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been
met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered.
And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON…
it is because your turn has come to share, grow,
or learn. They bring you an experience of peace,
or make you laugh. They may teach you something
you have never done. They usually give you an
unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real!
But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid
emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person, and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.